Why do sad songs help?

Join in with your misery playlist.

Feeling undone, I reach for my phone. The scroll I need is through the tracks saved there in the music app.

Laying in the silence, waiting for the sirens

Signs, any signs, I’m alive still

I don’t wanna lose it

But I’m not getting through this

Hey, should I pray?

Should I pray, yeah, to myself, to a God?

To a saviour who can

Unbreak the broken, unsay these spoken words

Find hope in the hopeless, pull me out the train wreck

Unburn the ashes, unchain the reactions now

I’m not ready to die, not yet

Pull me out the train wreck¹

I prop myself up on my elbows to scream-sing the bits that make the tears fall. Apparently, “unbreak the broken” and “unburn the ashes” are particularly poignant.

Rewind before I’m near the end, and give it everything I’ve got. The last of me, the point of turning myself inside out.

It’s the same as searching for Marley & Me when the gloom descends and that lump in my throat is burning and dry, when it needs something to loosen it and the torrent of tears.

But what is this? Why do I (and other folk) reach for the sad shit when life is sad enough?

There are a few supposed reasons what happens when we listen to sad music, and why we might seek it out hoping it might help lift that heavy blanket.

• the release of prolactin, which is the body’s way of comforting and consoling, is offered as one reason. So, we trick our body into thinking we’re sad, just so it sends us a neural hug.

• the release of oxytocin, which is the hormone the body floods with during and after childbirth, supposedly so you actually bond with the baby, despite that screeching cry.

• social connection — a way of the body feeling some sort of greater connection and shared experience with other people.

• nostalgia — though why the body wants to be reminded and in part relive a previous sad moment is beyond me.

• other shit…

We all have trusted sad songs, sad movies, sad books that we return to, here are some of mine. Please note, I am a clinically depressed person who has inhabited the depths of despair for many years, so this is far from an exhaustive list…

1. City High — What Would You Do?

What would you do if your son was at home

Crying all alone on the bedroom floor

'Cause he's hungry?

And the only way to feed him is to

Sleep with a man for a little bit of money

And his daddy's gone

Somewhere smokin' rock now, in and out of lockdown

I ain't got a job now

So for you this is just a good time,

but for me this is what I call life

2. Sounds of Blackness — Optimistic

If things around you crumble

No, you don't have to stumble and fall

Keep pushing on and don't you look back, oh woah

I know of storms and strive

Out of your album of life

Just think ahead and you'll be inspired

To reach higher and higher

You'll always do your best if you learn to never say never

You maybe down, but you're not out

That's when I felt lifted

3. Norman North - The Dark

You can't leave me here

Don't wanna love in fear

I gotta cage on my heart

Cause they use me up

And then they disappear

To many play with my heart

I hope a real one near

I got all these wasted years

Choose now choose wise or you lose me

I can't do it no way ima let you use me

4. Frank Ocean - Godspeed

Wishing you godspeed, glory

There will be mountains you won't move

Still, I'll always be there for you

How I do

I let go of my claim on you

It's a free world

You'll look down on where you came from sometimes

But you'll have this place to call home, always

5. Kina — Get You The Moon

Cause you are, you are the reason why I'm still

Hangin' on

'Cause you are, you are the reason why my head is still

'Bove water

And if I could I'd get you the moon and

Give it to you

And if death was coming for you

I'd give my life for you

6. The Source feat. Candi Staton — You Got The Love²

Occasionally my thoughts are brave and friends are few

Occasionally I cry out: "Lord, what must I do"

Occasionally I call up: "Master, make me new"

You've got the love to see me through

Sometimes I feel like throwing my hands up in the air

I know I can count on you

Sometimes I feel like saying "Lord, I just don't care"

But you've got the love I need to see me through

Movies for the glum days, when music alone isn’t enough.

1. The Road — from Cormac McCarthy’s incredible book

   

2. I Am Legend — I know, I know with Will Smith, it should be The Pursuit of Happyness or Seven Pounds, but do not make a dog die in a movie and expect me to be ok!!!

3. Marley & Me — see above! I take so long to recover every time I watch this.

4. The Green Mile — Michael Clarke Duncan tears me to shreds every time.

5. The Lovely Bones — from the book by Alice Sebold — no explanation needed.

   

6. Dallas Buyers Club — Matthew McConaughey’s portrayal was heartwrenching.

I don’t tend to re-read books that make me cry, for the main reason that when I need a good cry, I need it pretty immediately. I have re-read The Road a couple of times, and same reaction.

I’m in need of a movie today, so what are your suggestions? What are your go-tos when you can’t force the tears out on their own? I’ve already tried music today, and despite the tsunami of snot and tears, I am not unravelled enough *shrug*.

Hope I haven’t set you off on a downer, and maybe some of these don’t get you in the guts like me. In which case, may I suggest therapy?

1. Train Wreck by James Arthur

2. I did the UK licensing for this track in the 90s and it has played a huge part in getting me through some really fucking shit times since then.